


Go Home, Miss Swan

by perfection_located



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Inspired by a gifset, Second Person, kinds angst i guess, literally just a random string of thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-16 23:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8121706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfection_located/pseuds/perfection_located
Summary: Her magic smells like woodsmoke and vanilla. And you don't think about that, you never think about that, not even when you're moving the moon to save your son's life.***Regina casts a curse that damns Emma to eternal sleep when she kisses her True Love. Then she goes and falls in love with Emma. Inspired by a gifset on Tumblr. Link in the notes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a gifset by @mysweetcupoftea on Tumblr. You can find it here
> 
> ***
> 
> If it's not clear, Regina cast a curse 28 years ago that pretty much says that true love's kiss will put Emma into an eternal sleep

You don’t know why Emma doesn’t fall asleep when she breaks the curse, but you’re relieved because Henry doesn’t need another reason to hate you (he has so many already). Snow doesn’t confront you; you think you realm hopping curse 28 years ago has overshadowed the smaller one you cast that same day. 

You still regret that curse, the one that forbid Emma Swan from ever experiencing true love. You cursed her to fall into a death like sleep the moment she kissed her true love

And before you can get a chance to look into the curse, look into why your magic failed you (Henry is Emma's True Love, but she is still awake) , you’re being chased by unstoppable death in the form of a demon, trying to open portals to the land you destroyed, and then you’re trying to save your nemesis and her daughter (it’s all for Henry, you don’t care about Miss Swan at all).

And you want your son back, because now you know what love feels like and the Evil Queen is still there, still greedy and wanting and hungry for it. But Hook betrays you, and soon you’re stopping a town-destroying trigger and Emma’s magic is strong and warm and smells like woodsmoke and vanilla. But you don’t think about that, you never think about that, not even when you’re moving the moon to save your son’s life and the whole cave smells like apples and vanilla. 

Hook kisses Emma and you hate him for it, because he is a terrible excuse for a human being, lewd and cruel and mean (you know about the girls he hurt, but as Queen you were too far gone to try and stop him, not when he could be useful to you). You never tell Emma just how much he hurt you (maybe not directly but he helped, and your left arm still tingles, nerves damaged beyond repair) or how much you want to rip his heart out and crush it, slowly, agonizingly painful, to try and make him repent (you don’t believe in the afterlife, so you want to punish him while he still breathes). You don’t tell her because maybe this way the curse from 28 years ago (the one you don’t talk about, you never talk about) will never take effect. 

And then you’re saying goodbye to Emma, goodbye to Henry, goodbye to the closest thing to a happy ending you know you’re ever going to get. And you give Emma the memories of Henry you cherish so deeply, you smile and cry and tell her this is the only way (because it is, and it hurts). You almost kiss her but the smoke is coming fast and you don’t want your last memory of her to be rejection. And when you cast the Second Curse, you smile a little, because now your cruel secret from decades ago will never hurt Emma, will never get the chance. 

(You don’t remember any of your time in the Enchanted Forest when you get back, but when you do remember, it is terrible. You are sad and fighting an enemy you did not ask for, did not search for. And then there’s Robin, who you try and force yourself to love but you can’t force it so you don’t give him your heart, you give it to Snow instead (because she does not question your sadness like the others do, she understands). You almost put yourself under a sleeping curse to try and escape, but Henry would never forgive you if you let his family get hurt (part of you whispers Emma would be hurt to. You ignore it). So you stay. You stay and fight and help cast a third curse, help save the life of the lover of the woman you swore to never stop hating.)

As soon as the smoke clears, you’re back in Storybrooke with no memory, and Snow White is pregnant and glowing and Emma is back, and she remembers. Hook brought her back, and you are grateful for that, but you know better than anyone that one good act does not erase a lifetime of hatred. Henry doesn’t remember you, and you cry into Emma’s shoulder about it one night (you’re both drunk, you never speak of it again, it ends with a curt "Go home, Miss Swan"). Then you’re walking with Henry in the park and he asks you if you dated his mom, and you freeze because at first it sounds like he’s asking if you dated yourself (you almost start laughing) and then you realize what he’s asking and you clear your throat and shake your head, trying to laugh it off. (After that, he gets this look in his eyes when you’re with Emma, and it doesn’t go away even when his memories come back.) 

Emma falls through another portal, of course she does, and she brings back Marian, and you aren't really as hurt as you seem (it stings, the idea of losing another happy ending, but you never thought it would work out anyways). You and Robin have not spoken very much since your memories returned, you remember hating him before you saw his tattoo, he remembers you as an Evil Queen, and you both back away from one another. Marian is almost a welcome relief (Roland gets his mother back, and one more of your past deeds is redeemed. It’s only a drop in the ocean, but so it everything else).

Less than a day later Emma is banging on your door at 3am, refusing to leave, sending untrained bursts of light through your windows until you talk to her. You open the door, painfully aware of your messy hair, your red eyes and clean face, your thin robe and thinner nightgown. (You have been remembering all of the things you cannot fix. The guilt will never completely disappear).

And you cry into Emma’s shoulder (this time no one is drunk) and you tell her how all you ever wanted was a happy ending, and you’ve lost it three times now (Daniel, Robin...). She asks what your third happy ending was and you sigh and meet her eyes with your own. “Isn’t it obvious?”, you ask, and you can see the realization dawn on her face (you are too tired to brace yourself for her rejection, so you just keep staring up at her).

But then she tries to kiss you and you push her away, gently, always gently, and tell her quietly that she should leave. '"Go home, Miss Swan". She is confused (she looks like a wounded puppy, but this is not the time for levity) but she obeys. You walk straight to your room and sleep dreamlessly (you do not even walk her to the door).

Emma tries to talk to you, stops by your office, comes over with Henry, but you always avoid her, always leave the room (she knows what you are doing; you do not try to hide it). "Go home, Miss Swan," you say when she stops by the mansion for the 5th time. And soon Henry can tell something is wrong, but you smile and kiss his forehead and tell him that everything is fine. 

(You know, of course, that you could never activate Emma’s curse, because that would have to mean you were her true love, and villains don’t get happy endings, but you will not risk it, not for all the kisses in the world)

Emma never stops trying to talk to you alone, but eventually her efforts slow, hindered by your fight against Rumplestiltskin, your rush to protect your family. Emma tries to ask why you were willing to sacrifice yourself but unwilling to talk, but you just walk away and she doesn’t bring it up again. 

Then Emma is sacrificing herself for you and falling to the ground, comatose, the dagger blank (true love and pure darkness cannot mix, and Emma has lost her magic the same way the dagger lost it’s own) and you see that your curse no longer matters, because Emma might never wake up anyways. 

You stay by her side for days (you sleep on the visitors couch next to her. Nurse Ratchet gives the other nurses a look that says you qualify as family, that visiting hours do not matter). You only leave when David threatens to carry you out of the hospital. 

One morning (it’s been a month and your hope is fading) you wake up to a gentle hand on your shoulder, and you are crying (ugly, heaving sobs) because Emma is awake, she is alive, she is hugging you. 

She’s okay.

There is damage, muscle atrophy despite your best magical efforts, lost weight despite the I.V. drip. Emma spends 6 months in physical therapy. You drive her to and from appointments, are there when she walks again, there to catch her when her legs give out and, there convince her to try again (she always tries again).

And then she’s done with therapy, but she still lives in the manor because why should she move all of her stuff around when you have extra rooms and Henry likes having a stable home. And you have family movie nights and drink cider after Henry is in bed (Snow has started giving you _looks_ , but you pull her aside and remind her of what you did 3 decades ago and she understands). 

One evening you’re tired and content and when Emma turns her head (you’re curled into her side, your favorite place to be) you lean in and kiss her. It's warm and sweet and you forget your fear.

There is no bright flash of light, and suddenly you are crying again, hot tears of joy. You have never been happier to find out someone is not your true love (it fills you to the brim, threatens to burst you open, because what Fate and Magic did not give you they cannot take away)

You explain, as best you can, how you cast one last curse before her father threw her into the wardrobe, how it was a spell fueled by so much hate and rage you knew it had worked despite all the reasons it shouldn’t have, how you were scared, a coward. 

And she is angry that you did not tell her, that no one told her, but she is happy, too, because she can kiss you now. 

It is not perfect. It is not a fairytale ending. (Maybe you never really wanted one after all). You fight and make mistakes and buy enough bouquets of flowers to fill the mansion. But this is good. This is happy. Henry starts high school and Emma moves in officially. You never get married (there are too many memories) but you exchange vows in the dark of your room (in the quiet that comes after lovers meet, warm and damp and sated) and while watching the morning sunrise together (over steaming cups of coffee on the porch, resting your head on her shoulder). This is good, you think. This is not the happy ending in a storybook (it could never be an ending when there’s so much more to come). It is so much better. It is a beginning.


End file.
